BIG BROTHER AUSTRALIA 2013: Snap Judgements

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We’re well into Week One of the newest season of BIG BROTHER AUSTRALIA and with a whole new (you could argue recycled) batch of contestants, I think it’s about time to make some snap judgements about these new show ponies.

Last year I did a similar post and I am willing to admit ‘Week One Impressions’ can change dramatically, as Stacey last year annoyed the hell out of me before becoming my favourite by the end of the season.

I’ll be dividing this year’s contestants into three categories;

Hateable-Watchable – It’s not really love to hate, it’s more hate but at least they are entertaining to watch no matter how cringeworthy.

Vanilla – The ones that cry, miss their families, sleep (I personally would sleep for a year in that house), miss surfing, just mope and make every scene unbearable.

Enjoyable enough that I don’t hate you but I don’t know if you should win because I don’t know you that well but maybe you’re alright? – Self explanatory.

HATEABLE-WATCHABLE

TIM AKA ASLAN

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First of all, Tim HAS NOT been a student his whole life, he’s been in radio and was the guy that ran down Rihanna’s plane naked if anyone remembers that story. He also had a music show called Hit List TV which was axed back in 2011 by Southern Cross Ten. So he knows how to perform. And boy has he. I can’t handle him.

I imagine before the show he set cameras up in his house and walked around posing for each angle and making different expressions in prep for BBAU. He also made a comment on the first night about fellow housemate, Ben, being too eccentric and that he didn’t like it because he thought he was more eccentric. Really? Really, Tim? Tim is in it to win it but like all big personalities, (e.g Michael last year) he won’t make the finish line.

TAHAN

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I was going to go on a big rant about what type of girl Tahan would be on a night out clubbing, but we all know she is a walking asshole so I don’t need to delve too much into that. I appreciate her presence in the house because she broke the rules on the first night. I like when the contestants bend the rules because it keeps it entertaining at least. But if I hear her speak about getting her clothes back again I’m going to run a hot bath and grab the toaster.

BEN

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He lives on his own and applied for Big Brother and is complaining about the fact he has to live with other people…please. He has enough quirks that he will keep us entertained for a few weeks but his quirks may become annoying if he keeps pretending like he can’t function in the environment and everything continues being so NEW and unusual to him. Social media loves him but all the tweets sounds like they feel sorry for him more than anything. They are all backhanded compliments.

VANILLA

There’s a lot this year. *YAWN*

MATTHEW

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The most interesting parts of Matthew involves his outside experience in the military. It’s too bad the military didn’t train him in having a personality.

CALEB

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Matthew’s BFF and a poor man’s Ryan Hansen. Their conversation on the seesaw proves their potential in this series, conversations about food.

SHARON

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A mother misses her children. It’s sad. It’s not entertaining.

ED

ed_big_brother_australiaHeidi sat and complimented Ed on his personality and pondered on what could possibly be his one negative trait. He couldn’t even tell her a bad trait. So you’re perfect? Oh good. I no longer care about your existence in the show. Scream at someone or get out because you’re doing nothing else.

XAVIER

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He made out there was a lot more to him in the premiere but there is nothing that he has done so far that’s stood out. ENTERTAIN ME! HIT SOMEONE! No but just do something, anything.

MIKKAYLA

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I can’t.

JADE

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She did say that she wasn’t being herself because of the fake marriage but there is still not even enough there in her fake self that makes we want to see more of her. Cheat on your husband! That’ll make good TV. Her Italian was impressive and she is moving on to the next category at this rate.

ENJOYABLE ENOUGH THAT I DON’T HATE YOU BUT I DON’T KNOW IF YOU SHOULD WIN BECAUSE I DON’T KNOW YOU THAT WELL BUT MAYBE YOU’RE ALRIGHT?


JASMINE 

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She’s a sweet girl, she is a little horny in there. Who isn’t these days? I think she has a little more in her that we could see but she seems like she is good fun.

TULLY

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She cried the first night and annoyed the hell out of me. But there’s something about her that I like, maybe because she doesn’t like Tim either. She dresses cool too.

DREW

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He really dived into the whole marriage thing and he dived across the lawn on exercise balls. Keep up the diving. I want him to not wash his hair and that and only that be the reason for Jade and his divorce. It will be iconic.

HEIDI

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Teetering on Hateable-Watchable, this girl has a big mouth but she’s got an opinion and we need people that actually voice how they are feeling outside of the diary room. If she keeps hanging out with Tim I may need to reconsider her position. You in danger gurl.

My prediction for first elimination is either Mikkayla or Sharon but let’s all hope it’s Sonia Kruger. You’re not on Dancing with the Stars anymore, stop dancing and stop trying to be BFF’s with everyone. You’re allowed to resent some housemates.

Catch up on previous eps here.

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